She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize