The maid of honor just puked.
the condom got lost in my hair
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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