guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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