I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
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I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
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im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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