Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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