I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
