somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
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