So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
