She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My dick has a subreddit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
