i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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