he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
