My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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