I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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