My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
