So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
