i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
