the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
