wrigley field is MILF paradise
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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