I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The adults are the big ones right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
