i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
