There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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