Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
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You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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