i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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