end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I want to make a zoo with you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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