That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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