so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
