drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
