Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
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I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I pour the whiskey from now on
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