How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
