So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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