I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
