the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
