operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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