i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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