Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
