all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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