don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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