i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
