just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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