The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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