If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
