went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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