brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
