I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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