Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
