I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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