butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
