My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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