the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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