i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
