please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize