A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
