I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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