I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
