i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
