I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
