yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
