I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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