the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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