Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
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Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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