Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
