Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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