Having a random hookup so left but love u
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
