bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
