your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
