Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
