the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize